Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
false alarm, still single
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