Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
