So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
