OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
