guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
