So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
