My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
