You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
