Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
