I need to stop coming to work sober
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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