Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
