He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
