I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
