I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
