Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
