you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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