There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
