If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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