I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What drink are we having for lunch?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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