i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
