I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
