some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
