You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
