Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Four minutes until I can fart!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
