I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize