IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My breasts were aching with rage.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
