no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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