I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize