great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
