if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
