just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
