I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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