her vagine was all disorganized.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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