You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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