I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
