fuck your aforementioned shoe
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
