Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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