She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
