just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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