Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
