sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
