4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I want her autograph on my taint
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
