K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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