I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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