Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I skipped work to stalk him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
