It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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