I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
