People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
