walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
