i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
