she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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