Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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