I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
