I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
