It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
