The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
