Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
