new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
