never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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