I wish my penis had an off switch
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
