OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
