He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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