hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
COCAINE IS GR8
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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