Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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