"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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