Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
